About Female Ejaculation
Ask the Sexpert
About Female Ejaculation
Dear Dr. Kat,
I've been with my girlfriend about six months now. There have been a couple of times when we've had sex (I'm penetrating her from the back), she orgasms, and fluid comes out of her. And not just a little vaginal fluid but probably several tablespoons of what looks like come. At first I just thought it was urine that she was trying to hold back, but it became obvious that wasn't what it was. Anyway, I was a little freaked out but actually got off on it. She, on the other hand got really upset and embarrassed. In fact, she won't even talk about it with me and after the last time she now refuses to have sex in that position anymore. I think I read somewhere about the fact that some women can ejaculate. Is this what she's experiencing? And if so, how do I let her know that it's not only ok, but that it turns me on.
It sounds as though your initial assessment is the correct one. Female ejaculation does occur in 10-14% of all women, although the phenomenon is fairly misunderstood by both men and women, alike.
The G-spot is a small bundle of tissue and nerves about two inches into the vagina on the upper wall. Therefore, rear entry positions have a greater likelihood of allowing the head of the penis to come into contact with it. Although the existence of the G-spot has been somewhat controversial in the past, the last decade has indeed shown it to exist, in some capacity or other, in most women - some may have the bundle of tissues but nothing happens with stimulation; some may orgasm with the stimulation of the spot but without fluid, and yet others may orgasm with ejaculate. The ejaculate it self can range from as little as one teaspoon to several tablespoons full. Research has shown that its consistency is neither urine, nor vaginal fluid, but something else not yet completely defined. You can find out more about the history of female ejaculation in
Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot , by Deborah Sundahl.
I would venture to guess that most women don't even know whether they are G-spot sensitive or not, as it sometimes takes specific and purposeful stimulation to arouse it. Often times, this is more easily achieved by using toys specifically designed for G-spot exploration, like the Lelo Gigi , the Lelo Ella , or the nJoy Pure Wand . In your girlfriend's case, it seems as though she has come across her ability to female ejaculate by accident. This can be scary for those who don't understand what is going on with their bodies -- especially so, if she is concerned about what you, as her partner, might think.
Once a woman can embrace her ability to have a G-spot orgasm and/or female ejaculate, it usually becomes a very enjoyable and valuable sexual experience. Your girlfriend is lucky that you not only want to understand this component of her sexuality, but that you are turned on by it, as well.
I would therefore suggest that you find a good time to bring up the subject in a positive manner. Perhaps you can lovingly say something like, "You know, I was really turned on those couple of times you came with all that fluid, when I was entering you from behind. In fact, I wanted to learn more about it, so I found this information for us..." You may then want to present her with a video like The Amazing G-Spot and Female Ejaculation Informational DVD.
Any way you can assist your girlfriend in normalizing the experience would be helpful. Find ways of showing her that other women often have the same experience and that there are, in fact, even women who strive to ejaculate but aren't always able to. This would be a great way to help her embrace another of the many facets of her sexuality. Be sensitive, however, to the possibility that she may never be able to enjoy the experience of ejaculating and may not ever want to pursue her ability to do so. In that case, perhaps you can find another way of enjoying the phenomenon, without putting pressure on her to "perform". For instance, there are many adult videos available that display this incredible ability.
~Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk