Tantra: A How-To Guide
Tantric Sex Worth the Practice
Tantra has much more to do with spirituality than sex. Although not generally considered a religion, it is an ancient non-denominational spiritual practice that evolved in India more than 7000 years ago. It was born out of rebellion against strict religions which denounced pleasure and reinforced the rigid caste systems that repressed virtually all personal evolution.
Tantra emerged so that the middle class could create a sense of spiritual and sexual freedom for themselves. Tantra has enjoyed more notice in the mainstream now than ever before (above and beyond Sting serving as its unofficial spokesperson), but it continues to be misunderstood by many.
Now, we here at Libida cannot even begin to cover the details of the basis of general Tantra practice. However, we can give you a taste of the sexual component of Tantra so that you too can begin a path to enlightened sexuality
The sexual benefits of practicing some form of Tantra seems to be mind-boggling; from developing the ability to be multiply orgasmic (yes, men too); to the ecstatic energetic orgasms that last way longer tan most of our measly 10 second experiences. Let alone the potential benefits of developing a true understanding of your own sexuality as well as an amazing bond with your partner.
For more detailed information that goes beyond this basic How To, we suggest you check out our feature articles entitled: What is Tantra? Part I, What is Tantra? Part II, Tantric Secrets to Jump-Starting Waning Desire, Solo Tantra -- all contributed by Tantric experts Dhyan Jeffre TallTrees and Dhyan Somraj Pokras. Also, read the interview with Dr. Kenneth Ray Stubbs, The Essence of Tantra and the Kama Sutra.
The main text of Tantric sexual practice is the Kama Sutra. The Kama Sutra reinforces the ideals of Tantric sex. Here are a few basic tenants of practice.
- Accept do not deny all of your sexuality.
- If it's consensual it is to be appreciated.
- Welcome, do not resist sexual energy.
- Enjoy what feels good without judging or feeling guilty.
- Listen to your own heart and spirit.
- Sexual energy illuminates consciousness.
- Develop a sense of joyfulness in your life.
- Learn to shed your negative conditioning around sexuality. Many people suffer from those "guilt tapes" we play through our heads.
- Love and sex in this capacity are completely intertwined. That is why it is often referred to as sacred sexuality.
- Revere your lover and yourself as the amazing sexual being you are.
- Imagine yourselves as divine sexual deities.
- You do not have to be a couple to practice Tantra. There are plenty of ways you can develop your own sexual energy.
Learn to meditate. Many of the techniques utilized require deep relaxation and an ability to be completely present minded - no focusing on work or the ballgame while having sex anymore boys and girls.
Get in touch with your body. Do yoga and learn to stretch. Many people walk around having no connection with their own bodies or what they are capable of. Movement is important whether it's belly dancing or learning to get comfortable in your own skin by learning to strip tease. You can even start by learning at home with The Art of Erotic Dance.
Breathe. It sounds simple but it's something we all take for granted at one time or another. Follow your own breath, deepen it; learn to coordinate it with a partner. Start by paying attention to how you breath when you're not in a sexual situation, then play with your breath during sex. Begin to breathe through arousal and orgasm. So many people have a tendency of holding their breath or breathing shallowly as they are about to come.
Listen. The power of sound can be powerful; from healing to invigorating. And while sex is often peppered with groans and grunts, not enough people truly let their inhibitions go and vocalize during sex naturally.
Touch. Re-program yourself to not just close the deal and move to the main event so quickly. This includes learning to touch other erogenous zones on your own body during masturbation. Fire in the Valley demonstrates techniques to use on yourself. You can also mix it up by varying your sensation. Try some Lelo Massage Oil, or even better the Kama Sutra Oil of Love Collection provides you with a sampling of delectable treats to rub and lick off of your partner's body.
PC muscles are your friends. It's been said again and again, the healthier your PC muscles are the better sex you'll have, the more bladder control, and potentially the easier labor will be for women. But men aren't left out of the loop either - it's just as important for them too. Kegel exercises are vital to Tantric sex. The Lelo Luna Balls will come in handy as women begin to train these special muscles. Also, see our How to Do Kegels. Men can begin too by starting and stopping while they urinate. As well as experimenting with using their PC muscles to move their penises.
G-Spot and P-Spot. Get familiar with your G-Spot and if you're a guy it's time to finally say hello to your prostate. Both of these types of orgasms can really widen your sexual repertoire. Many people find these orgasms even more intense than clitoral/vaginal or penetration orgasms. Experiment on your own, so then you can introduce your partner to this type of play. And there are of course toys to help. Women can give the Spellbound G-Spot Vibrator a spin and men and can try the popular Aneros anal toy.
Through these techniques you can learn to develop control over your orgasms. Many women tap into their ability become multiply orgasmic; while men can learn to delay ejaculation therein prolonging orgasms and becoming multiply orgasmic themselves (really, it's true!) You may want to also experiment with coordinating your orgasms with your partner (although it's not required). Read the Multi-Orgasmic Couple for more complimentary information.
Although positions are not the most significant practice in Tantra, the Kama Sutra does outline many positions that you can practice. However, keep in mind that they are most beneficial if you incorporate Tantric training. If you're in a coupled relationship, here are some options...
The Tripod While standing against or near a wall, the penetrating partner holds up one of the knees of the other partner firmly in one hand and then makes love face to face -- it then leaves the other hands free to explore and caress both of your bodies.
The Cat The partner being penetrated lies on their stomach while the other grabs hold of the ankles in their right hand, lift them high up and penetrates them, all the while rubbing their face, neck and chest with the other hand.
The Flower in Bloom The penetrated partner draws up both of their knees until they nestle the breasts; the feet rest in the other partner's armpits. The penetratee cups and lifts the buttocks with their palms, spreads the thighs and places the heels next to their hips, while the other partner caresses the breasts.
The Jewel Case The penetrator's legs lie along the other partner's legs, joining them from toes to thighs. One partner can remain below the other, or lie side by side. Another version of this position, is to have your partner's thighs interlaced squeezing each other in a pulsating rhythm. This is called "The Squeeze". Another version of this position, is to have one partner's thighs are interlaced and squeeze each other in a pulsating rhythm. This is called "The Squeeze".
You might also want to review the book Manual of Sexual Positions for more position ideas. If you're interested and truly want to learn to incorporate more of the techniques of Tantric sex, do some research and try a few techniques to see if it's right for you. Virtually all of us will get something positive out of trying any of these suggestions.
Read more watch more, and maybe find a good Tantrika in your area that can help you get some hands on experience in connecting with the soulful side of sex.