Ask the Sexpert

No Orgasm with Intercourse

Dear Dr. Kat,
Would you be so kind please to consult me on the following problem. I have never experienced an orgasm during penetration without me doing clitoral stimulation myself. I have a very high level of sex drive, and reaching an orgasm during sex or masturbation has never been a problem for me. But the problem is that I feel that I am addicted to clitoral stimulation. Is there any way I can get an orgasm during sex without me touching myself? How can I improve my chances of getting an orgasm only by virtue of vaginal stimulation? It is a very important question for me because I have met a person and fallen in love with him. Thank you very much.

Dear Reader,
The fact that you are orgasmic with clitoral stimulation is great! Most women are not orgasmic during penetrative intercourse without clitoral stimulation. In our culture there is this mistaken value that a vaginal orgasm is somehow better. This simply isn't true. While some women happen to have vaginal orgasms (as a result of cervical or G-Spot stimulation -- or they think they are having vaginal orgasms when actually their partner may simply be coming in more contact with their clitoris), there is no difference in value. While experimenting is great (perhaps try positions that involve more cervical stimulation or G-Spot attention), one type of orgasm is not considered better than another. I would suggest that while experimenting, don't forget to give your clitoris the attention it deserves. If this is your tried and true method to orgasm, I would not abandon it. Maybe try a sex toy like the Virtual Bunny which your male partner can wear over his penis (very pleasurable for him too) while providing you with more clitoral stimulation. You also use the term that you think you're "addicted" to clitoral stimulation. I find this highly unlikely. Unless you are consumed with masturbating clitorally so much that it interferes with your ability to function in the world, I would just say that you have a high preference for clitoral stimulation.

~Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk