Ask the Sexpert

His Penis is Too Small

Dear Dr. Kat,

My boyfriend has an extremely small but versatile penis. However, I’m not able to get fully satisfied because it is so small. Should I ask him to get an extension using plastic surgery?

Dear Reader,

Whoa, let’s slow down here. There are so many options to discuss before even mentioning surgery. First of all, I’m assuming that the compensation of him developing “other” talents, such as more clitoral stimulation through with his hands, toys or through oral sex doesn’t work for you. Too bad, for many women have told me over the years that some of their best lovers had the smallest penises. But I won’t pretend that size doesn’t matter, because as non-politically correct as it is, to many women it’s just not the same. They crave a sensation of “fullness”, vaginally. However, if you are with someone who is the love of your life, but who just happens to have a smaller than desired penis, I would suggest you work it out on your end. Frankly, it’s your issue -- not his. Everyone is responsible for their own orgasms and sexual bliss. Requiring your lover to go under the knife seems preposterous to me.

But, you do need to talk about this with your partner. If it was enough of a concern for you a) to write to me with this question, and b) to even consider asking him to have a painful, expensive surgery that usually has poor results, then this issue needs to be brought out into the open. Hopefully, you’ve already laid the groundwork for honest discussions about sexuality. Be tactful and sensitive, as a guy usually doesn’t want to hear that he’s not satisfying you. And please don’t make it about what he can’t give you – his ego will probably be bruised enough already. Take responsibility for this as your issue, not as something that is wrong with him. Then look for solutions to give you the sensation you’re looking for.

Large Dildo

For instance, you may consider finding a larger dildo to incorporate into sex. There are specially designed dildos on the market made for women who like a large penis. The 8 Inch Realistic Dildo is a good option. You could perhaps try different sizes and shapes – see what works best for you -- and I don’t mean just using them by yourself, but with your boyfriend. You’d be surprised how many men get thoroughly turned on by using sex toys with their partners, especially those that have “threesome” fantasies. Having another penis in the room, regardless whether it is real or not, can give a whole new dimension to sex. I even know of one couple who named their dildos, and they speak in code to one another about when “Mark” or “Ron” is going to join them again.

Outside of him compensating you with other talents, have you two really explored the whole spectrum of sex? What about anal sex, g-spot stimulation and orgasm, or different positions? The book The book Sex is Fun can start you int he right direction.

There are so many options for creating a fulfilling sex life. Why rely upon vaginal sex only, to get what you really need? Don’t close yourself off to the possibilities. There are also penile extensions on the market.

Penis Extenders

These are actual penile “sleeves”, usually made of jelly or silicon that fit over the penis. They add extra dimension to it, whether you are looking for greater girth or more length -- like the Cyberskin Penis Extension. By adding a little lube to the inside, they can create a great sensation for him too. They are a nice option if you are looking for some literal improvement in size without involving surgery. Be warned, however, that there are several surgeries out there, as well as herbal pills and topical products that various sales people are peddling for their own profit, only. I have never heard of one product or procedure that has ever pleased men completely. Most of these hucksters are simply playing on men’s insecurities, in order to make a buck. I would strongly suggest steering clear of these.